Day Eight - Servant's Heart

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  Philippians 2:5-11


I found a great article about having a servant's heart. The following passages/quotes are from that article.

"Our God is a servant God. It is difficult for us to comprehend that we are liberated by someone who became powerless, that we are being strengthened by someone who became weak, that we find new hope in someone who divested himself of all distinctions, and that we find a leader in someone who became a servant."

Jesus emptied himself. For us. He emptied himself of his deity to take upon himself his humanity. FOR US.

"To follow Christ means to relate to each other with the mind of Christ; that is, to relate to each other as Christ did to us - in servanthood and humility."

"The world in which we live - a world of efficiency and control - has no models to offer to those who want to be shepherds in the way Jesus was a shepherd. The leadership about which Jesus speaks is of a radically different kind from the leadership offered by the world. It is a leadership which is not modeled on the power games of the world, but on the servant-leader, Jesus, who came to give his life for the salvation of many."

If we are to grow in Christlikeness, we must be willing to empty ourselves, to hold nothing back. We must forget about polishing our image, saving face, or making sure that we look Christian enough. To grow in Christlikeness means to be empty of any and everything that would hinder a servant's heart.

"God sends no one away empty except those who are full of themselves."

If your sons are anything like Spencer, they're not full of themselves. They're not pretentious, don't know how to be jealous. Regardless of where they're at, I love this illustration at the end of the article, and think it would help in getting the point across on working towards a servant's heart.

The Suitcase:


What you need to empty out of your suitcase -

• Pride
• Selfish Ambition
• Jealousy
• Unforgiveness
• Hatred
• Temper Tantrums

(add what you need to this list...think of what would apply to your sons)

Okay, your suitcase is empty - now what?

To be filled with the Spirit of Jesus, the heart of a servant, fill your suitcase with -

• Love 
• Joy
• Peace
• Patience
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self-control

In conclusion, What's in your suitcase??


I pray that our sons will grow with a servant's heart. That they will be filled with the fruits of the Spirit. My mind is spinning with how I can explain the suitcase analogy so Spencer will understand. I'm excited about trying to get the point across.

Pray the Servant's Heart prayers over your sons. Fight for them. Intercede on their behalf. Try finding ways to serve with your family. Take a meal to a sick neighbor, or maybe rake up leaves for an elderly neighbor. Volunteer in your community. It would also be a great way for our sons to socialize while serving.

Tomorrow we will be praying the Honor prayers.

I pray God will give you strength on your journey.

Jaime

Day Seven - Purity

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure. I John 3:2-3


For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. I Thessalonians 4:7


Purity doesn't just happen, it takes planning. The heat of the moment isn't the time to plan on setting boundaries. Okay, most of our sons are probably not yet old enough to be worrying about these situations, but now is the time to prepare them. I'm no expert, and I feel like I've been thrown in the deep end of the pool some days, trying to figure out how to approach delicate subjects with Spencer. Will he understand what I'm talking about? Will it just confuse him? Will it make him more curious than he would be if I didn't bring it up? I do know that I can set an example for him, answer any questions he has, teach him to respect everyone, and try to help him figure out what "personal space" means. Each of our sons are different in their own special way, and will need to be approached in the way that works best for them.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4


Think about this verse in regards to purity. Let's do our best to teach our sons that not only do we need to keep ourselves pure, we need to consider how our actions affect other's struggle to stay pure. How we dress, what we say, things we watch on TV, where we go, how we treat others. Empathy for your friends, for those around you, may help one of those friends stay within the boundaries of purity that they've set for themselves.

This was a tough one for me, because, as I said before, I don't quite know how to approach Spencer on this topic. I would welcome and appreciate any thoughts and/or suggestions. We are praying the Purity prayers over our sons today. Tomorrow's prayers will be the Servant's Heart prayers.

~ Love and Blessing to all of you ~

Jaime

Day Six - Pride

But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. Psalm 37:11


Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar. Psalm 138:6


For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. Psalm 149:4


When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2


Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4


A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. Proverbs 29:23


He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8


And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." 


The following is from this article about instilling Humility in Children:


Do we want our children to be humble? Most of us would hesitate to answer yes, because we tend to equate humility with weakness. 


A humble person is not someone who thinks he's nothing. A humble person knows he's something, but he recognizes God as the source of his greatness. Thinking one is something without recognizing God as the source leads to arrogance. And who would want to raise arrogant children?


We want to teach our children that they are special, talented, skilled, and everything wonderful, but we also want to teach them that all these things are a gift from God.


They should take pleasure in their accomplishments, not pride. They are choosing to use the gifts that God gave them for good.


Your son could have used his physical agility and strength to be a bully in the schoolyard, but instead chose to participate and excel in sports. Your daughter's academic accomplishments means she used the brain that God gave her for something good. Both children should take great pleasure int that. They are cashing the check that God wrote and gave to them.

Humility engenders respect for others. Only the biggest among us can acknowledge the bigness in others. It's the small-minded person who puts others down. We all want our children to know and appreciate who they are, and to respect others.

A child must respect the experience, knowledge and maturity of those who are older than he is. When a child knows his place, he asks his parents, rather than tells his parents.

A final aspect of humility is the ability to admit our errors. The arrogant person can do no wrong, while the humble person admits his mistakes freely. More importantly, the humble person always keeps in mind the possibility that he could be mistaken.

TOOLS FOR INSTILLING HUMILITY IN CHILDREN

#1. Don't let parental power go to your head.

The best way to teach our children is by example. An arrogant   person can never teach humility. Since being a parent means we're in a position of authority, it's easy to slip into arrogance. "HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME!" is not the right way to react to a child who is not listening. Our job is to teach patiently and respectfully. The very manner in which we deal with our children's misbehavior can be one of the strongest tools for teaching humility. When we educate quietly, without yelling or insulting, we model humility.

#2. Kids should ask, not tell.

Parents must not only model behavior, they must also verbally teach it. When a child raises his voice to  a parent, he must be corrected.

#3. Don't tolerate disrespectful speech.

The young child who is rude and disrespectful will grow into an even ruder teen who may actually swear and curse his parents. These behaviors don't arrive suddenly with puberty. They develop many years earlier from unchecked arrogance.

When teaching a child to speak with greater humility and respect, be patient! It can take many years for children to really integrate these speech patterns into their automatic behaviors. Consistency on the part of parents greatly speeds up the process, as does concurrent modeling, generous praise and an overall positive relationship. Humility will become a way of life and the respect that flows from humility a matter of course.


Wow. Pardon me while I humble myself before all of you and say that I saw myself as the parent yelling to get the attention of one of my children. Anyone care to raise their hand and join me?? Sometimes, and the end of the day, I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I wonder if I'll ever get a full nights sleep and feel rested the next morning ever again, I feel like I need 2 more of me to get everything done, patience left out the back door several hours ago, and I can't seem to find the kind, gentle voice of reason. I yell to be heard, and yet I'm still ignored.  That is usually with my 4 yr old daughter, not with Spencer, but still, Yikes. This whole parenting thing is HARD. The more I read, and write on each topic we're covering, the more I see just how inadequate I really am. I am responsible for molding my children into young people that love God. I don't feel qualified for the position.

I worry about Spencer. When reading about bullys and teaching our children about respect and not looking down on others, I see him on the opposite side of it. I see him as an easy target for bullys, to be made fun of. He hasn't figured out what "personal space" means yet. He tries so hard to make friends, to be social. I want other kids to look beyond the jumping up and down, flapping of his arms, the stimming. When he's on sensory overload, and can't handle anything else. I can only pray that any potential bullys will be empathetic and respectful instead. I can love him just as he is, while trying my best every day to help him. Speaking of sensory overload, I highly recommend watching  this video. I saw it for the first time about 6 months ago, and it changed my perspective drastically. It helped me understand more of what Spencer deals with when we go out in public.

In the midst of the day-to-day chaos, let's stop to pray for our sons. Let's pray for patience for ourselves, that we can be the example of humility that they need in their lives. Let's teach our sons to delight in their accomplishments, but not use those accomplishments to make others feel less than. Each and every one of us has gifts that God has given us. We need only to use them. It's not an easy journey, but it is a rewarding one. We've been given precious gifts, our sons, entrusted to us for a reason. God knew that through the good times and the bad, that we could handle it, no matter what. Let's pray that instead of having proud and arrogant sons, that we'll have humble and respectful ones. We need to lead by example, and we need to lean heavily on God to help us provide the example.

Pray the pride prayers for, and over, your sons. I'm asking God to give me the strength I need when patience seems low. I pray the same for each of you.

Tomorrow's topic is Purity. I pray your journey is going well. It's an eye-opener for me.

Blessings to you!

Jaime

Day Six - Pride

But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. Psalm 37:11


Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar. Psalm 138:6


For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. Psalm 149:4


When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2


Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4


A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. Proverbs 29:23


He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8


And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." 


The following is from this article about instilling Humility in Children:


Do we want our children to be humble? Most of us would hesitate to answer yes, because we tend to equate humility with weakness. 


A humble person is not someone who thinks he's nothing. A humble person knows he's something, but he recognizes God as the source of his greatness. Thinking one is something without recognizing God as the source leads to arrogance. And who would want to raise arrogant children?


We want to teach our children that they are special, talented, skilled, and everything wonderful, but we also want to teach them that all these things are a gift from God.


They should take pleasure in their accomplishments, not pride. They are choosing to use the gifts that God gave them for good.


Your son could have used his physical agility and strength to be a bully in the schoolyard, but instead chose to participate and excel in sports. Your daughter's academic accomplishments means she used the brain that God gave her for something good. Both children should take great pleasure int that. They are cashing the check that God wrote and gave to them.

Humility engenders respect for others. Only the biggest among us can acknowledge the bigness in others. It's the small-minded person who puts others down. We all want our children to know and appreciate who they are, and to respect others.

A child must respect the experience, knowledge and maturity of those who are older than he is. When a child knows his place, he asks his parents, rather than tells his parents.

A final aspect of humility is the ability to admit our errors. The arrogant person can do no wrong, while the humble person admits his mistakes freely. More importantly, the humble person always keeps in mind the possibility that he could be mistaken.

TOOLS FOR INSTILLING HUMILITY IN CHILDREN

#1. Don't let parental power go to your head.

The best way to teach our children is by example. An arrogant   person can never teach humility. Since being a parent means we're in a position of authority, it's easy to slip into arrogance. "HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME!" is not the right way to react to a child who is not listening. Our job is to teach patiently and respectfully. The very manner in which we deal with our children's misbehavior can be one of the strongest tools for teaching humility. When we educate quietly, without yelling or insulting, we model humility.

#2. Kids should ask, not tell.

Parents must not only model behavior, they must also verbally teach it. When a child raises his voice to  a parent, he must be corrected.

#3. Don't tolerate disrespectful speech.

The young child who is rude and disrespectful will grow into an even ruder teen who may actually swear and curse his parents. These behaviors don't arrive suddenly with puberty. They develop many years earlier from unchecked arrogance.

When teaching a child to speak with greater humility and respect, be patient! It can take many years for children to really integrate these speech patterns into their automatic behaviors. Consistency on the part of parents greatly speeds up the process, as does concurrent modeling, generous praise and an overall positive relationship. Humility will become a way of life and the respect that flows from humility a matter of course.


Wow. Pardon me while I humble myself before all of you and say that I saw myself as the parent yelling to get the attention of one of my children. Anyone care to raise their hand and join me?? Sometimes, and the end of the day, I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I wonder if I'll ever get a full nights sleep and feel rested the next morning ever again, I feel like I need 2 more of me to get everything done, patience left out the back door several hours ago, and I can't seem to find the kind, gentle voice of reason. I yell to be heard, and yet I'm still ignored.  That is usually with my 4 yr old daughter, not with Spencer, but still, Yikes. This whole parenting thing is HARD. The more I read, and write on each topic we're covering, the more I see just how inadequate I really am. I am responsible for molding my children into young people that love God. I don't feel qualified for the position.

stimming. When he's on sensory overload, and can't handle anything else. Speaking of sensory overload, I highly recommend watching  this video. I saw it for the first time about 6 months ago, and it changed my perspective drastically. It helped me understand more of what Spencer deals with when we go out in public.

In the midst of the day-to-day chaos, let's stop to pray for our sons. Let's pray for patience for ourselves, that we can be the example of humility that they need in their lives. Let's teach our sons to delight in their accomplishments, but not use those accomplishments to make others feel less than. Each and every one of us has gifts that God has given us. We need only to use them. It's not an easy journey, but it is a rewarding one. We've been given precious gifts, our sons, entrusted to us for a reason. God knew that through the good times and the bad, that we could handle it, no matter what. Let's pray that instead of having proud and arrogant sons, that we'll have humble and respectful ones. We need to lead by example, and we need to lean heavily on God to help us provide the example.

Pray the pride prayers for, and over, your sons. I'm asking God to give me the strength I need when patience seems low. I pray the same for each of you.

Tomorrow's topic is Purity. I pray your journey is going well. It's an eye-opener for me.

Blessings to you!

Jaime

Day Five - Avoiding Foolishness

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. Matthew 7:24-27


I found a sermon that sums it up well. Most of us have heard all that Jesus had to say. How many of us really put it into practice? Do we think, oh that sounds nice and lovely, and leave it at that? Or do we really apply His message to our lives? When hard times come, when we are hit with a diagnosis that rocks our foundation, when a storm hits that we didn't anticipate, are we overwhelmed, find it hard to function, feel helpless and hopeless, or do we rely on our ROCK. Do we immediately run to Jesus? Do we cry out to him? Do we find a peace that passes all understanding in the arms of our Lord? The storms of life will blow. The rains will come and the streams will rise. Are we going to be like the foolish builder, or are we going to be like the wise builder that had a strong, firm foundation?

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good. Psalms 14:1


The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10


The foolish man says there is no God. The wise man fears and obeys God. When you don't believe there is a God, it makes it easy to justify acts of disobedience. Foolish choices bring unpleasant consequences. The wise man has security in loving God and all the power of heaven on his side. (taken from the leader book)

It may not always be easy, but in the way you know best to communicate with your sons, show them the difference between foolish and wise. When Spencer is disobedient, I do my best to explain to him WHY it was wrong, and what he needs to do to change the behavior. Does it always work? No, but I can't stop trying. I know he understands most of what I say. Our son's hearts are at stake. We need to fight, to pray, every day. We need to do what we can to help them understand that foolishness always brings negative consequences, sooner or later.

How is everyone doing with the 21 days? I know it was probably hard to keep up daily with the start of school for some of you. I know I haven't been on time everyday with my posts. I feel like my kids have been starved for my attention lately. I work full-time, and when I get home there is another whole days worth of work waiting for me. :-) Thank you for being patient with me! I am praying for y'all daily, that God will give you the strength needed each day. I have extended the link up until Wednesday night, in the hopes that a few more may share their journey with us.

Pray the Avoiding Foolishness prayers over your sons. I hope you're reading the book and considering the study questions.

Blessings To You!

Jaime

Link Up For 21 Days of Prayers For Sons

I thought it would be a good idea to have a link-up for any of us that would like to share a blog post about our journey through the 21 days. The ups and downs. Give us a chance to laugh and cry with you. To get a glimpse into what you're going through. I hope you'll join us!

Day Four - Integrity

Integrity. So much in that word. The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. Standing up for the lesser than. Admitting when you're wrong. Holding strong to your beliefs.

The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out. Proverbs 10:9


The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. Proverbs 11:3


The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. Proverbs 12:22


The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him. Proverbs 20:7


To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. Proverbs 21:3


For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the yes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men. II Corinthians 8:21


Pray for us. We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way. Hebrews 13:18


These verses don't come close to covering all the verses in the Bible that talk about integrity. Having a clear conscience. Honor. Doing what is right and just. Being truthful.

We are responsible for our sons. We want to teach them to be little men filled with integrity, with the hopes that they will grow into men with integrity. Honest men. Faithful and truthful men. Honorable men. Men that will treat people right, will respect women, and everyone else around them. Men that will do the right thing, even when it's hard. Men that won't cave to popular opinion. How can we do that? It starts with us.

We need to look at ourselves. I find that that isn't always easy. It isn't always pretty. Am I filled with integrity? Do I always do the right thing. Am I always respectful? Sadly, the answer is no. Sometimes, especially in moments of tiredness and frustration, I say something I shouldn't. I raise my voice, and say some not so nice things to others or about others. Yuck. Looking at myself and my heart is not something I care to do, but i HAVE TO. I have to examine my own heart and actions, and correct them, so that I can set the example for my son. I don't always know what he is thinking, but I know he watches and listens to what I say and do. If it's okay for mama to say not so nice things, it's okay for him, right? Ummmmm.... reality check for mama. I have little eyes watching me. Little ears listening. What kind of an example am I setting? It needs to be one of integrity. I need to be honest in my actions. I need to have a clear conscience when I do something. I need to stay true to my beliefs. I need to take personal responsibility for my actions. We live in a society where nothing is ever your fault. You did something bad? Blame it on your parents, or your upbringing, or your teachers, the government, or almost anything else besides your self? What ever happened to taking responsibility for your actions? It starts at home.

I found a great article on Raising Kids of Strong Character and I want to share a few lines from that article:

"Be the example. Children learn their character traits best by watching others. Who better to watch than their father? Fathers are the role models in the household and they need to act that way. If you're doing shady business deals, cheating on your taxes or not practicing what you're preaching, your children will see that and pick it up as one of their traits as well. Even everyday things like running red lights when nobody is around, leaving a small tip for your waitress or taking the extra change that the cashier at the grocery store gives you shows a lack of integrity, too. Although these might seem like trivial things to you, they can still have a huge impact on an observant child. If you're going to act without integrity, don't let your children see it. The best thing to do is just act with integrity all the time - even when they're not watching."


This, of course, applies to mothers as well. Let's not try to "get away with it" when no one is watching. That's not integrity. That brings to mind that mentality of "I'm only sorry because I got caught". It takes daily practice to learn a trait. Let's do that! We need to be at battle for our sons, and that means we need to be at the forefront, leading the way, by example. 


"Keep your promises. A child's memory is unbelievable. They might not remember to eat their vegetables in the cafeteria at school, but they'll remember two weeks ago when you said you'd take them to the baseball game. If you break that promise, they're going to remember it for years (and maybe even a lifetime). Keeping your word is part of showing integrity, so be sure to follow through with your promises at all costs. If it's just impossible to keep your promise, discuss the situation with your child and see if they'll let you "off the hook." But make sure this is more of the exception rather than the rule when you say you'll do something."


Ahhhh, the promise. It seems like promises are so easily made and broken, without a thought. Let's not do that. If we say we'll do something, let's do it.


A quote from Brooke:


"Did you know that we can't give our sons something we don't have? Look back over the last week or month of your life. One of the BEST things we can do for our sons is to admit when we've sinned and ask them to forgive us for it. Show your sons the power of humility and use every opportunity; even your failures, to teach them to walk in the truth. What a wonderful God we serve, who allows even our sin to draw our sons closer to Him!"





Let's do our best today to walk with integrity, to be a shining example to our sons, to our families. Pray the integrity prayers over your sons. Be intercessors for them. 


Tomorrow is Day 5 - Avoiding Foolishness. I look forward to hearing from y'all, and I pray you have a wonderful, blessed day!


Jaime

Day Three - Submission to Authority

Today's topic is Submission to Authority. It flows from Obedience, and I want to quote some from a great article I found on the topic. It is well explained, and better than what I could come up with on my own. :-)  Here is the link to the full 11 page article. 

"Authority is the right to give instructions and require obedience.

As it is with love, so it is with authority. To relate properly to the children, parents must begin by relating properly to one another. 

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. Proverbs 1:8

When people work together, organization and cooperation are needed in order to accomplish good. But organization and cooperation require someone to be recognized as a leader with authority. This explains why God ordained authority in every human relationship that He ordained.

Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. Guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life. Proverbs 4: 10-13

Children generally know their parents are wiser than they are. They know they need guidance at times. They may act confident, but behind the false front they are often insecure. Parental guidance assures the child that he is doing what is best. As a result, children actually have greater respect for adults who enforce fair rules than they have for permissive parents.

To illustrate, consider driving a car across a bridge over a deep chasm. If there were no guardrails, we would be very fearful. With guard rails, we are confident, even though we may be just a few feet from the edge. So the limits set by parents give children security. They know their parents will not let them do anything that would be seriously harmful. 

If we train children to develop good character and habits, they will probably maintain those habits. But habits come by repetition. So parents should insist that children practice what is right till it becomes ingrained.

The main reason so many children today grow up rebellious and maladjusted is simply that they have not been properly required to submit to authority. They manipulate their parents, and the parents don't know what to do about it. They get away with rebelling against their parents, so they proceed to rebel against the whole "establishment": parents, government, employers, church, and God. 

If parents do not teach their children to get along with parental authority - if they allow their children to manipulate them and get their own way against their parents' better judgment - most likely those children will always have difficulty relating to authority and will live a miserable life.

Dr. James Dobson points out: When a child can successfully defy his parents during his first fifteen years, laughing in their faces and stubbornly flouting their authority, he develops a natural contempt for them... The result is that they lose respect for all the parent stands for and believes in, including their religious Faith.

..If a child grows up without learning respect for authority - if he is permitted to rebel against his parents' restraints and get away with it - he will naturally rebel against God's limits and think he can get away with that!

This is exactly the point at which many Christian parents lose their children to the world. If you do not restrain you children but let the manipulate you and evade your authority, they will most likely grow up to disrespect God and His will - just like Eli's sons did. And God will hold you accountable, like he did Eli.

It follows that proper exercise of authority is not something the parents do to please themselves, but something they do for the good of the child. It teaches lessons that will benefit the child both now and for eternity. This is why use of authority is not contrary to love but is a proper exercise of love.

In all areas of life that we have studied, respect for authority requires obedience. So a child who persistently disobeys in the home is a child who simply has not learned respect for authority. Yet in home after home - even the homes of Christians - children repeatedly refuse to obey, but parents apologize for it, laugh it off, or simply ignore it like it's an everyday occurrence.

Parents, you are trying to raise godly children. The ultimate goal of your authority is to teach your children respect for God's authority. You should expect your children to obey you like God will expect them to obey Him. Do they?

Do your children obey promptly, or do they procrastinate, make excuses, manipulate, and seek to evade your instructions? Do they obey with an attitude of love and good will, or do they groan, complain, and whine? Do they obey exactly, or do they try to bend the rules and justify partial obedience? Do they obey when you are not watching or only if they know they will get caught? What kind of obedience does God expect of us? If your children have not learned to obey you like they should obey God, then you have work to do. God says it's your job to teach it to them!

We should train our children to speak respectfully to us, not for our own selfish pride, but because they need to learn respect! [Cf. Ezek. 2:3-7]"

Wow. A lot to take in. This may not always be so clear cut with our oh so very special sons. Something that stood out to me was the discussion of setting boundaries. Our sons do much better when they know what is expected. A routine. Knowing what they can and can't do. With a loving heart, a soft, kind voice, our sons will hear us. I pray that all of you find peace in that. Even on the toughest days, God is right there with you. I can remember times with Spencer, dealing with hitting, kicking, biting, pinching, so much frustration. It was a wrestling match just to get him to take medicine when he needed it. By the end we would both be so exhausted, and about 75% of it would be all over us, instead of inside him where it needed to be. We've come so far since then. His verbal skills are so much better and he works hard at being social. It's hard work everyday, but we need to continue the fight for our sons. Love, blessings and prayers to all of you. Brooke wrote this in the Leader Guide for Day 3, and I want to share it with you:

"By the way, when was the last time you told your son you were proud of a choice he made to submit to authority? Even when they're little, our boys need to know that mama sees and rejoices over their wise choices and cries out to God over their foolish ones. Today, make a point to lavish love and praise on your son when he chooses wisely....even in the small things."

Jaime

Day Two - Odedience

Because I said so!


Was that ever said to you as a child? Have you ever said that to your children? In moments of frustration, I know I have. Repeated questions, and instead of explaining why I've asked one of my children  to do something, I fall back on that phrase.




Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Ephesians 6:1


Our children need to be taught to obey us, but should they blindly obey? What would that teach them? To never question what they're told. Questions aren't a bad thing, although it may seem that way to a tired, frustrated mother. God loves our sons. Teaching them to be obedient will help them throughout their lives. When we are obedient to God, it shows our love for Him. When our sons are taught to obey us, it shows their love towards us, and makes an easier transition to God. 


If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His Love. I have told you this so that my joy may  be in you and that your joy may be complete.  John 15: 10-11


We need to teach our sons to be commandment keepers. Will it be easy? No, probably not. Battles never are, and we are in a battle for our son's hearts. 


Some may ask, "Can we require any standards of behavior in our sons?" I think we would being doing them a huge disservice if we didn't. Our son's hearts before God are no different from any other child, and the reason that your child is so special will not limit God from revealing Himself to your child. We, as mothers, need to allow God to love our sons through us. 


In the night I remember your name, O Lord, and I will keep your law. This has been my practice: I obey your precepts. You are my portion, O Lord; I have promised to obey your words. I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise. I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.  Psalm 119: 55-60


When you son asks, "Why?", let them know why they need to obey us. 1. It shows love and respect towards others (you, God, friends, teachers, therapists, etc.). 2. It keeps them safe. If we see them going near a hot stove, or trying to put something in their mouth that they shouldn't, or try to break free from you in a parking lot, teaching them to be obedient will keep them safe, protect them. If we just allow them to do whatever they want, they could burn their hand, choke on the object going into their mouth, or get hurt in that parking lot. 3. It PLEASES God when his children are obedient. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Colossians 3:20  4. It shows them their need for God. Obeying parents leads into obeying God.


Have you ever given into your son, just to end an argument? Just to calm the turbulent waters? It's easier sometimes, isn't it? You can see the agitation building, the melt down coming, and you give in. It may seem fine in the short term, but are you helping your son by doing that? No. It is our responsibility to train our sons. I've found that keeping my voice soft, warm, kind and loving helps. Raising my voice, even just to be heard above the racket, doesn't help. It agitates Spencer even more. It hurts his ears. While praying for your sons today, pray, ask God for extra patience. Extra love. Extra compassion. Be an intercessor for your son. 


Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6


Obedience is learned through trust in those we obey. If you don't follow through with what you say, for example, not enforcing consequences, your son won't trust your word, and won't learn obedience. If you tell your son, "If you don't do (insert something here), then you don't get (insert something here). If he doesn't do the first thing, and you still give him the second thing, it teaches him that he doesn't need to listen to what you say because he'll get what he wants anyway. He won't trust you and won't learn obedience.  


It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us. And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands. As you have hard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.  2 John 4-6


Pray the Obedience prayers over your sons today. Have you read the chapter to go along with it? This sentence stood out to me while reading it. "If our boys never learn the importance of obeying and see their inability to obey by themselves, how will they ever recognize their need for a Savior?"


Please feel free to share here, or by email, what works for you in teaching your sons obedience. Where do you struggle? I think it will help, the more we interact and share with each other, our successes and our struggles. I'm praying for you, as I'm sure others are as well. The journey isn't always easy, but it's worth it!! 


I want to share something with you from the book, Parenting From The Overflow:



"It's hard work, this parenting gig! And it's exhausting and demanding and never ending. But none of us would trade the world for one of our [son's] glowing smiles. So we must persevere and be self-controlled and disciplined ....living out of the over flow of the Father's grace in our lives. How do we live that out?

• Be faithful to time alone with the Lord. Sometime. Somehow. Every single day.
• Memorize long verses that you will repeat to yourself before responding.
• Learn to laugh!
• Give grace - to [him] and to yourself."

Note: Tomorrow, day 3 will be covering Submission to Authority, and will be praying the prayers from that section over our sons. 


Blessings to all of you and your sons!

Day One - Heart Change

Happy Tuesday Morning!

This is a new journey for me. I don't usually volunteer to be a leader. I'm the quiet, shy type that prefers to let others take the reins. Why would anyone listen to what I have to say? Well, my son is precious to me. I worry about him. I wonder if he'll be able to lead a normal life. I'm passionate about my children. I hope and pray that that passion will show through in the next 3 weeks.

Heart Change. What is in the heart will eventually come out. If we have bad things in our heart, bad is going to come out. If we have good things in our heart, good will come out. When we get hit, when life gets hard, when something goes wrong, when patience seems to be wearing thin, when we get a diagnosis that knocks the wind out of us and turns our world upside down, and we're so tired we can hardly keep going, what is going to come out? Is it going to be good? Do we immediately turn to God? Or do we fret, worry, yell, scream, lose our temper, say things we'll regret as soon as they're said? I can't say for sure if we've all been there....we've been hit, and the bad comes out,... but I can honestly admit that I've been there. I've been so low that I wondered if I'd ever find my way out.

Consider this: What comes out of your heart when you get hit? Our response matters to God and it matters to the people watching and learning from us along the way.


Our sons are watching us. They watch how we react to everything. They're even more sensitive to our emotions. I know when I become agitated or upset, my son notices right away. It upsets him. He deals with enough on a daily basis without me, his mother, the one that should be making life easier for him, adding to his stress. Do we want our sons to see anger, stress and agitation when we get hit, get taken off guard? Does it matter, in the grand scheme of things, if someone cuts us off in traffic, or says something they shouldn't, or (I struggle with this one the most) comments on our sons behavior in public? Yes, I want to say something back, make a snippy remark, or yell at the car in front of me, but it's more important to stay calm. To react in a rational way. To smile and walk away. I used to get upset so easily while driving, and then one day, while waiting our turn to pull out into traffic, my son yelled from the back seat, "Come on people, MOVE!!". Yikes. I realized how familiar that phrase was. He was upset when we couldn't immediately go. I felt about 2 inches tall that day, and I learned my lesson there. Now, I find myself soothing my son, sometimes on a daily basis, when we're in traffic. He gets upset. I'm the reason why. OUR SONS ARE WATCHING US.  


Autism, Aspergers, ADHD, ADD, ODD, VPD, Chronic illness, heart condition, delayed cognitive development, learning disabilities, overgrowth syndrome, a terminal illness... whatever it is that makes our special sons so special, is in God's hands. He gave us these precious angels, entrusted them to us. I feel so blessed that I have Spencer. Over the past 5 years, since he was diagnosed, I've watched him grow, change, struggle, triumph, melt down, and I've felt every emotion with him along the way.  I may not always feel like I can, but God knew I could handle it. I believe that whole-heartedly.

"So many of you moms, right this very moment, are kneeling down or lying flat on your face before God, asking Him to help you. You're lost, overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed, heartbroken, and seconds away from waving the white flag in defeat. I know where you are. I've been there. I'm still there. I have no idea how to make this dream of mine come true. I have no idea how to raise men who will be different: respecters of women, lovers of God. I have no idea how to teach little men to work with their hands, take commitments seriously, and protect the least of these. And I certainly have no idea how to raise warriors, protectors, worshippers, peacemakers, and friends by myself.

But I do know how to get down on my knees and cry out to God on their behalf. I do know that  God's Word is "living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12)."

I've been there, and I'm there quite often. Are you? Have you been there? I wonder sometimes, will my boy be able to have a relationship with God? Will he understand what it means? I don't know what goes on in that precious little mind of his most of the time, but I do know this. God knows him. God loves him more than I could ever imagine. God wants him. God made him the way he is, and my son has a purpose in this life that I can't see just yet. Your sons do as well. They are so precious to God. You know how much you love your sons. Multiply that by a million and we still won't be able to touch the mightiness of God's love for them.



I encourage you to go over the study questions. If you can find the time, keep a journal. Write down your thoughts, your worries, your prayers. Pray the Heart Change prayers for your sons today. I want to ask you to do this as well.... Write out a prayer, or 2 or 3, written specifically for your sons. Tailored to what they need. Pray it over them every day.  Are they struggling in a specific area in school? Are they having trouble being social with friends? Are they struggling with behavior issues? Do the same thing for all your children. Maybe your daughter doesn't always know how to interact with her brother? My daughter, Laura (she's 4), adores Spencer, and is his little shadow. Sometimes Spencer can't handle the constant attention and needs his space and alone time. We deal with it as it comes each day. Some days she seems to understand his need to be alone, and other days she doesn't.

I am encouraging each of you, from a far, in this journey. I'm praying for you. I'm excited for you. I want to leave you with this. I think it will be great encouragement for the not so good days. It's a snippet about Overflowing Joy from a book called Parenting From The Overflow by Teri Lynne Underwood. I encourage you to read the whole book. It's directed towards daughters, but most of it can apply to our sons as well.

"Perhaps this scenario will be familiar to you: 5:15 pm. Dinner is cooking, house is a wreck, and everyone is hungry and frustrated - including mom. A simple question, "What time will we eat?" and Hurricane Crazy Woman rages through the room. Angry words, slammed cabinets, and the not-so-subtle huffing ensue.

Joy? Seriously? In those situations?

To be frank, I think for the most of us, it is easier to find reasons for joy in the midst of great tragedy than in the smaller moments of daily chaos...but what about the 5:15 craziness? Is there joy there too? As the long day's end becomes visible, is the picture we give our children and our husbands one of grumpiness and frustration? I know there are all sorts of practical tips out there for managing the evening madness...there is a better answer.

JOY.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4"

It's not always easy, but let's try to find joy in the little things, in the daily ups and downs. When crying out to God, fighting for our son's hearts. Praying for them. Praying over them. Whispering prayers throughout the day. Keep Joy right there with you.

"Nothing is so small that we do not honor God by asking His guidance of it, or insult Him by taking it out of His hands."

Blessing to all of you, and I pray you have a wonderful, Heart Changing day!

Welcome to 21 Days of Prayer for our Special Needs Sons!

"When we begin by pouring out our hearts to the Lord - about our children, about ourselves, and most of all in order to seek Him first - we will find the wisdom and discernment we desire (and NEED) is far more quickly found. And the grace and tenderness we want to give our children comes more naturally as a response to the grace and tenderness we have been given." ~ Parenting From The Overflow ~

Welcome! I started reading the book, Parenting From The Overflow, a few days ago, and this stood out to me, like it was yelling at me to pay attention. Parenting isn't always easy. It's never perfect. Add to that a child, a son, that struggles trying to communicate his wants, needs, and desires to you, his mother, and sometimes grace and tenderness can get lost in the mix. I've been there, trying to hold back tears as I watch my son get so frustrated because I don't understand what he wants. Some days patience seems to be lacking. Have you been there? I know you have. No matter what it is that makes our Angels so special, we've all been there, and are there on a daily basis.

God hears us. He's there with us during the good times and the bad. He sees our tears. He sees our joy. He rejoices with us and He hurts with us.

I pray that as we take this journey together, as we pray over our sons, that we'll more clearly see God in all that we do, and in everything around us. That it will make the rough days a little easier. That it will make the joyful, triumphant times even more wonderful. That during the times when we feel like we're so alone, we'll realize that we're never alone.

"All it takes to lose the truth of the Word of God is one set of parents who fail to teach it. And the result can be generations of men who don't know and fear the Lord. Imagine the impact for a moment." ~ Warrior Prayers: Praying the Word for Boys ~

We need to go to war for our sons, and the battle is best fought on our knees (taken from the Warrior Prayers book).

I'm ready for the battle. I'm excited about it. Day one, we'll be praying the Heart Change prayers (from the book) over our sons. Do this however it works for you. Get up early to pray, pray these prayers throughout the day, make it part of your family devotion time, praying out loud over your sons, pray at night before bedtime, or any other way/time that fits.

I encourage you to comment and interact here, sharing how this journey is going for you, for your family. Several of you have already connected with me on Facebook. Thank you for the emails, letting me know about your families.

I plan on having a link-up party each Friday (if I can figure out how to do it!), so those that want to, can link up their own post, sharing the journey with us. I will keep you posted on that. :-)

The Day 1 post should be up Tuesday morning. I am in the Central Time Zone. I hope all of you have a blessed and safe weekend!

Jaime