Day Seven - Purity

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure. I John 3:2-3


For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. I Thessalonians 4:7


Purity doesn't just happen, it takes planning. The heat of the moment isn't the time to plan on setting boundaries. Okay, most of our sons are probably not yet old enough to be worrying about these situations, but now is the time to prepare them. I'm no expert, and I feel like I've been thrown in the deep end of the pool some days, trying to figure out how to approach delicate subjects with Spencer. Will he understand what I'm talking about? Will it just confuse him? Will it make him more curious than he would be if I didn't bring it up? I do know that I can set an example for him, answer any questions he has, teach him to respect everyone, and try to help him figure out what "personal space" means. Each of our sons are different in their own special way, and will need to be approached in the way that works best for them.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4


Think about this verse in regards to purity. Let's do our best to teach our sons that not only do we need to keep ourselves pure, we need to consider how our actions affect other's struggle to stay pure. How we dress, what we say, things we watch on TV, where we go, how we treat others. Empathy for your friends, for those around you, may help one of those friends stay within the boundaries of purity that they've set for themselves.

This was a tough one for me, because, as I said before, I don't quite know how to approach Spencer on this topic. I would welcome and appreciate any thoughts and/or suggestions. We are praying the Purity prayers over our sons today. Tomorrow's prayers will be the Servant's Heart prayers.

~ Love and Blessing to all of you ~

Jaime

Day Six - Pride

But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. Psalm 37:11


Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar. Psalm 138:6


For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. Psalm 149:4


When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2


Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4


A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. Proverbs 29:23


He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8


And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." 


The following is from this article about instilling Humility in Children:


Do we want our children to be humble? Most of us would hesitate to answer yes, because we tend to equate humility with weakness. 


A humble person is not someone who thinks he's nothing. A humble person knows he's something, but he recognizes God as the source of his greatness. Thinking one is something without recognizing God as the source leads to arrogance. And who would want to raise arrogant children?


We want to teach our children that they are special, talented, skilled, and everything wonderful, but we also want to teach them that all these things are a gift from God.


They should take pleasure in their accomplishments, not pride. They are choosing to use the gifts that God gave them for good.


Your son could have used his physical agility and strength to be a bully in the schoolyard, but instead chose to participate and excel in sports. Your daughter's academic accomplishments means she used the brain that God gave her for something good. Both children should take great pleasure int that. They are cashing the check that God wrote and gave to them.

Humility engenders respect for others. Only the biggest among us can acknowledge the bigness in others. It's the small-minded person who puts others down. We all want our children to know and appreciate who they are, and to respect others.

A child must respect the experience, knowledge and maturity of those who are older than he is. When a child knows his place, he asks his parents, rather than tells his parents.

A final aspect of humility is the ability to admit our errors. The arrogant person can do no wrong, while the humble person admits his mistakes freely. More importantly, the humble person always keeps in mind the possibility that he could be mistaken.

TOOLS FOR INSTILLING HUMILITY IN CHILDREN

#1. Don't let parental power go to your head.

The best way to teach our children is by example. An arrogant   person can never teach humility. Since being a parent means we're in a position of authority, it's easy to slip into arrogance. "HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME!" is not the right way to react to a child who is not listening. Our job is to teach patiently and respectfully. The very manner in which we deal with our children's misbehavior can be one of the strongest tools for teaching humility. When we educate quietly, without yelling or insulting, we model humility.

#2. Kids should ask, not tell.

Parents must not only model behavior, they must also verbally teach it. When a child raises his voice to  a parent, he must be corrected.

#3. Don't tolerate disrespectful speech.

The young child who is rude and disrespectful will grow into an even ruder teen who may actually swear and curse his parents. These behaviors don't arrive suddenly with puberty. They develop many years earlier from unchecked arrogance.

When teaching a child to speak with greater humility and respect, be patient! It can take many years for children to really integrate these speech patterns into their automatic behaviors. Consistency on the part of parents greatly speeds up the process, as does concurrent modeling, generous praise and an overall positive relationship. Humility will become a way of life and the respect that flows from humility a matter of course.


Wow. Pardon me while I humble myself before all of you and say that I saw myself as the parent yelling to get the attention of one of my children. Anyone care to raise their hand and join me?? Sometimes, and the end of the day, I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I wonder if I'll ever get a full nights sleep and feel rested the next morning ever again, I feel like I need 2 more of me to get everything done, patience left out the back door several hours ago, and I can't seem to find the kind, gentle voice of reason. I yell to be heard, and yet I'm still ignored.  That is usually with my 4 yr old daughter, not with Spencer, but still, Yikes. This whole parenting thing is HARD. The more I read, and write on each topic we're covering, the more I see just how inadequate I really am. I am responsible for molding my children into young people that love God. I don't feel qualified for the position.

I worry about Spencer. When reading about bullys and teaching our children about respect and not looking down on others, I see him on the opposite side of it. I see him as an easy target for bullys, to be made fun of. He hasn't figured out what "personal space" means yet. He tries so hard to make friends, to be social. I want other kids to look beyond the jumping up and down, flapping of his arms, the stimming. When he's on sensory overload, and can't handle anything else. I can only pray that any potential bullys will be empathetic and respectful instead. I can love him just as he is, while trying my best every day to help him. Speaking of sensory overload, I highly recommend watching  this video. I saw it for the first time about 6 months ago, and it changed my perspective drastically. It helped me understand more of what Spencer deals with when we go out in public.

In the midst of the day-to-day chaos, let's stop to pray for our sons. Let's pray for patience for ourselves, that we can be the example of humility that they need in their lives. Let's teach our sons to delight in their accomplishments, but not use those accomplishments to make others feel less than. Each and every one of us has gifts that God has given us. We need only to use them. It's not an easy journey, but it is a rewarding one. We've been given precious gifts, our sons, entrusted to us for a reason. God knew that through the good times and the bad, that we could handle it, no matter what. Let's pray that instead of having proud and arrogant sons, that we'll have humble and respectful ones. We need to lead by example, and we need to lean heavily on God to help us provide the example.

Pray the pride prayers for, and over, your sons. I'm asking God to give me the strength I need when patience seems low. I pray the same for each of you.

Tomorrow's topic is Purity. I pray your journey is going well. It's an eye-opener for me.

Blessings to you!

Jaime

Day Six - Pride

But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. Psalm 37:11


Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar. Psalm 138:6


For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. Psalm 149:4


When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2


Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4


A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. Proverbs 29:23


He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8


And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." 


The following is from this article about instilling Humility in Children:


Do we want our children to be humble? Most of us would hesitate to answer yes, because we tend to equate humility with weakness. 


A humble person is not someone who thinks he's nothing. A humble person knows he's something, but he recognizes God as the source of his greatness. Thinking one is something without recognizing God as the source leads to arrogance. And who would want to raise arrogant children?


We want to teach our children that they are special, talented, skilled, and everything wonderful, but we also want to teach them that all these things are a gift from God.


They should take pleasure in their accomplishments, not pride. They are choosing to use the gifts that God gave them for good.


Your son could have used his physical agility and strength to be a bully in the schoolyard, but instead chose to participate and excel in sports. Your daughter's academic accomplishments means she used the brain that God gave her for something good. Both children should take great pleasure int that. They are cashing the check that God wrote and gave to them.

Humility engenders respect for others. Only the biggest among us can acknowledge the bigness in others. It's the small-minded person who puts others down. We all want our children to know and appreciate who they are, and to respect others.

A child must respect the experience, knowledge and maturity of those who are older than he is. When a child knows his place, he asks his parents, rather than tells his parents.

A final aspect of humility is the ability to admit our errors. The arrogant person can do no wrong, while the humble person admits his mistakes freely. More importantly, the humble person always keeps in mind the possibility that he could be mistaken.

TOOLS FOR INSTILLING HUMILITY IN CHILDREN

#1. Don't let parental power go to your head.

The best way to teach our children is by example. An arrogant   person can never teach humility. Since being a parent means we're in a position of authority, it's easy to slip into arrogance. "HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME!" is not the right way to react to a child who is not listening. Our job is to teach patiently and respectfully. The very manner in which we deal with our children's misbehavior can be one of the strongest tools for teaching humility. When we educate quietly, without yelling or insulting, we model humility.

#2. Kids should ask, not tell.

Parents must not only model behavior, they must also verbally teach it. When a child raises his voice to  a parent, he must be corrected.

#3. Don't tolerate disrespectful speech.

The young child who is rude and disrespectful will grow into an even ruder teen who may actually swear and curse his parents. These behaviors don't arrive suddenly with puberty. They develop many years earlier from unchecked arrogance.

When teaching a child to speak with greater humility and respect, be patient! It can take many years for children to really integrate these speech patterns into their automatic behaviors. Consistency on the part of parents greatly speeds up the process, as does concurrent modeling, generous praise and an overall positive relationship. Humility will become a way of life and the respect that flows from humility a matter of course.


Wow. Pardon me while I humble myself before all of you and say that I saw myself as the parent yelling to get the attention of one of my children. Anyone care to raise their hand and join me?? Sometimes, and the end of the day, I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I wonder if I'll ever get a full nights sleep and feel rested the next morning ever again, I feel like I need 2 more of me to get everything done, patience left out the back door several hours ago, and I can't seem to find the kind, gentle voice of reason. I yell to be heard, and yet I'm still ignored.  That is usually with my 4 yr old daughter, not with Spencer, but still, Yikes. This whole parenting thing is HARD. The more I read, and write on each topic we're covering, the more I see just how inadequate I really am. I am responsible for molding my children into young people that love God. I don't feel qualified for the position.

stimming. When he's on sensory overload, and can't handle anything else. Speaking of sensory overload, I highly recommend watching  this video. I saw it for the first time about 6 months ago, and it changed my perspective drastically. It helped me understand more of what Spencer deals with when we go out in public.

In the midst of the day-to-day chaos, let's stop to pray for our sons. Let's pray for patience for ourselves, that we can be the example of humility that they need in their lives. Let's teach our sons to delight in their accomplishments, but not use those accomplishments to make others feel less than. Each and every one of us has gifts that God has given us. We need only to use them. It's not an easy journey, but it is a rewarding one. We've been given precious gifts, our sons, entrusted to us for a reason. God knew that through the good times and the bad, that we could handle it, no matter what. Let's pray that instead of having proud and arrogant sons, that we'll have humble and respectful ones. We need to lead by example, and we need to lean heavily on God to help us provide the example.

Pray the pride prayers for, and over, your sons. I'm asking God to give me the strength I need when patience seems low. I pray the same for each of you.

Tomorrow's topic is Purity. I pray your journey is going well. It's an eye-opener for me.

Blessings to you!

Jaime

Day Five - Avoiding Foolishness

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. Matthew 7:24-27


I found a sermon that sums it up well. Most of us have heard all that Jesus had to say. How many of us really put it into practice? Do we think, oh that sounds nice and lovely, and leave it at that? Or do we really apply His message to our lives? When hard times come, when we are hit with a diagnosis that rocks our foundation, when a storm hits that we didn't anticipate, are we overwhelmed, find it hard to function, feel helpless and hopeless, or do we rely on our ROCK. Do we immediately run to Jesus? Do we cry out to him? Do we find a peace that passes all understanding in the arms of our Lord? The storms of life will blow. The rains will come and the streams will rise. Are we going to be like the foolish builder, or are we going to be like the wise builder that had a strong, firm foundation?

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good. Psalms 14:1


The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10


The foolish man says there is no God. The wise man fears and obeys God. When you don't believe there is a God, it makes it easy to justify acts of disobedience. Foolish choices bring unpleasant consequences. The wise man has security in loving God and all the power of heaven on his side. (taken from the leader book)

It may not always be easy, but in the way you know best to communicate with your sons, show them the difference between foolish and wise. When Spencer is disobedient, I do my best to explain to him WHY it was wrong, and what he needs to do to change the behavior. Does it always work? No, but I can't stop trying. I know he understands most of what I say. Our son's hearts are at stake. We need to fight, to pray, every day. We need to do what we can to help them understand that foolishness always brings negative consequences, sooner or later.

How is everyone doing with the 21 days? I know it was probably hard to keep up daily with the start of school for some of you. I know I haven't been on time everyday with my posts. I feel like my kids have been starved for my attention lately. I work full-time, and when I get home there is another whole days worth of work waiting for me. :-) Thank you for being patient with me! I am praying for y'all daily, that God will give you the strength needed each day. I have extended the link up until Wednesday night, in the hopes that a few more may share their journey with us.

Pray the Avoiding Foolishness prayers over your sons. I hope you're reading the book and considering the study questions.

Blessings To You!

Jaime

Link Up For 21 Days of Prayers For Sons

I thought it would be a good idea to have a link-up for any of us that would like to share a blog post about our journey through the 21 days. The ups and downs. Give us a chance to laugh and cry with you. To get a glimpse into what you're going through. I hope you'll join us!

Day Four - Integrity

Integrity. So much in that word. The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. Standing up for the lesser than. Admitting when you're wrong. Holding strong to your beliefs.

The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out. Proverbs 10:9


The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. Proverbs 11:3


The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. Proverbs 12:22


The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him. Proverbs 20:7


To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. Proverbs 21:3


For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the yes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men. II Corinthians 8:21


Pray for us. We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way. Hebrews 13:18


These verses don't come close to covering all the verses in the Bible that talk about integrity. Having a clear conscience. Honor. Doing what is right and just. Being truthful.

We are responsible for our sons. We want to teach them to be little men filled with integrity, with the hopes that they will grow into men with integrity. Honest men. Faithful and truthful men. Honorable men. Men that will treat people right, will respect women, and everyone else around them. Men that will do the right thing, even when it's hard. Men that won't cave to popular opinion. How can we do that? It starts with us.

We need to look at ourselves. I find that that isn't always easy. It isn't always pretty. Am I filled with integrity? Do I always do the right thing. Am I always respectful? Sadly, the answer is no. Sometimes, especially in moments of tiredness and frustration, I say something I shouldn't. I raise my voice, and say some not so nice things to others or about others. Yuck. Looking at myself and my heart is not something I care to do, but i HAVE TO. I have to examine my own heart and actions, and correct them, so that I can set the example for my son. I don't always know what he is thinking, but I know he watches and listens to what I say and do. If it's okay for mama to say not so nice things, it's okay for him, right? Ummmmm.... reality check for mama. I have little eyes watching me. Little ears listening. What kind of an example am I setting? It needs to be one of integrity. I need to be honest in my actions. I need to have a clear conscience when I do something. I need to stay true to my beliefs. I need to take personal responsibility for my actions. We live in a society where nothing is ever your fault. You did something bad? Blame it on your parents, or your upbringing, or your teachers, the government, or almost anything else besides your self? What ever happened to taking responsibility for your actions? It starts at home.

I found a great article on Raising Kids of Strong Character and I want to share a few lines from that article:

"Be the example. Children learn their character traits best by watching others. Who better to watch than their father? Fathers are the role models in the household and they need to act that way. If you're doing shady business deals, cheating on your taxes or not practicing what you're preaching, your children will see that and pick it up as one of their traits as well. Even everyday things like running red lights when nobody is around, leaving a small tip for your waitress or taking the extra change that the cashier at the grocery store gives you shows a lack of integrity, too. Although these might seem like trivial things to you, they can still have a huge impact on an observant child. If you're going to act without integrity, don't let your children see it. The best thing to do is just act with integrity all the time - even when they're not watching."


This, of course, applies to mothers as well. Let's not try to "get away with it" when no one is watching. That's not integrity. That brings to mind that mentality of "I'm only sorry because I got caught". It takes daily practice to learn a trait. Let's do that! We need to be at battle for our sons, and that means we need to be at the forefront, leading the way, by example. 


"Keep your promises. A child's memory is unbelievable. They might not remember to eat their vegetables in the cafeteria at school, but they'll remember two weeks ago when you said you'd take them to the baseball game. If you break that promise, they're going to remember it for years (and maybe even a lifetime). Keeping your word is part of showing integrity, so be sure to follow through with your promises at all costs. If it's just impossible to keep your promise, discuss the situation with your child and see if they'll let you "off the hook." But make sure this is more of the exception rather than the rule when you say you'll do something."


Ahhhh, the promise. It seems like promises are so easily made and broken, without a thought. Let's not do that. If we say we'll do something, let's do it.


A quote from Brooke:


"Did you know that we can't give our sons something we don't have? Look back over the last week or month of your life. One of the BEST things we can do for our sons is to admit when we've sinned and ask them to forgive us for it. Show your sons the power of humility and use every opportunity; even your failures, to teach them to walk in the truth. What a wonderful God we serve, who allows even our sin to draw our sons closer to Him!"





Let's do our best today to walk with integrity, to be a shining example to our sons, to our families. Pray the integrity prayers over your sons. Be intercessors for them. 


Tomorrow is Day 5 - Avoiding Foolishness. I look forward to hearing from y'all, and I pray you have a wonderful, blessed day!


Jaime

Day Three - Submission to Authority

Today's topic is Submission to Authority. It flows from Obedience, and I want to quote some from a great article I found on the topic. It is well explained, and better than what I could come up with on my own. :-)  Here is the link to the full 11 page article. 

"Authority is the right to give instructions and require obedience.

As it is with love, so it is with authority. To relate properly to the children, parents must begin by relating properly to one another. 

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. Proverbs 1:8

When people work together, organization and cooperation are needed in order to accomplish good. But organization and cooperation require someone to be recognized as a leader with authority. This explains why God ordained authority in every human relationship that He ordained.

Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. Guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life. Proverbs 4: 10-13

Children generally know their parents are wiser than they are. They know they need guidance at times. They may act confident, but behind the false front they are often insecure. Parental guidance assures the child that he is doing what is best. As a result, children actually have greater respect for adults who enforce fair rules than they have for permissive parents.

To illustrate, consider driving a car across a bridge over a deep chasm. If there were no guardrails, we would be very fearful. With guard rails, we are confident, even though we may be just a few feet from the edge. So the limits set by parents give children security. They know their parents will not let them do anything that would be seriously harmful. 

If we train children to develop good character and habits, they will probably maintain those habits. But habits come by repetition. So parents should insist that children practice what is right till it becomes ingrained.

The main reason so many children today grow up rebellious and maladjusted is simply that they have not been properly required to submit to authority. They manipulate their parents, and the parents don't know what to do about it. They get away with rebelling against their parents, so they proceed to rebel against the whole "establishment": parents, government, employers, church, and God. 

If parents do not teach their children to get along with parental authority - if they allow their children to manipulate them and get their own way against their parents' better judgment - most likely those children will always have difficulty relating to authority and will live a miserable life.

Dr. James Dobson points out: When a child can successfully defy his parents during his first fifteen years, laughing in their faces and stubbornly flouting their authority, he develops a natural contempt for them... The result is that they lose respect for all the parent stands for and believes in, including their religious Faith.

..If a child grows up without learning respect for authority - if he is permitted to rebel against his parents' restraints and get away with it - he will naturally rebel against God's limits and think he can get away with that!

This is exactly the point at which many Christian parents lose their children to the world. If you do not restrain you children but let the manipulate you and evade your authority, they will most likely grow up to disrespect God and His will - just like Eli's sons did. And God will hold you accountable, like he did Eli.

It follows that proper exercise of authority is not something the parents do to please themselves, but something they do for the good of the child. It teaches lessons that will benefit the child both now and for eternity. This is why use of authority is not contrary to love but is a proper exercise of love.

In all areas of life that we have studied, respect for authority requires obedience. So a child who persistently disobeys in the home is a child who simply has not learned respect for authority. Yet in home after home - even the homes of Christians - children repeatedly refuse to obey, but parents apologize for it, laugh it off, or simply ignore it like it's an everyday occurrence.

Parents, you are trying to raise godly children. The ultimate goal of your authority is to teach your children respect for God's authority. You should expect your children to obey you like God will expect them to obey Him. Do they?

Do your children obey promptly, or do they procrastinate, make excuses, manipulate, and seek to evade your instructions? Do they obey with an attitude of love and good will, or do they groan, complain, and whine? Do they obey exactly, or do they try to bend the rules and justify partial obedience? Do they obey when you are not watching or only if they know they will get caught? What kind of obedience does God expect of us? If your children have not learned to obey you like they should obey God, then you have work to do. God says it's your job to teach it to them!

We should train our children to speak respectfully to us, not for our own selfish pride, but because they need to learn respect! [Cf. Ezek. 2:3-7]"

Wow. A lot to take in. This may not always be so clear cut with our oh so very special sons. Something that stood out to me was the discussion of setting boundaries. Our sons do much better when they know what is expected. A routine. Knowing what they can and can't do. With a loving heart, a soft, kind voice, our sons will hear us. I pray that all of you find peace in that. Even on the toughest days, God is right there with you. I can remember times with Spencer, dealing with hitting, kicking, biting, pinching, so much frustration. It was a wrestling match just to get him to take medicine when he needed it. By the end we would both be so exhausted, and about 75% of it would be all over us, instead of inside him where it needed to be. We've come so far since then. His verbal skills are so much better and he works hard at being social. It's hard work everyday, but we need to continue the fight for our sons. Love, blessings and prayers to all of you. Brooke wrote this in the Leader Guide for Day 3, and I want to share it with you:

"By the way, when was the last time you told your son you were proud of a choice he made to submit to authority? Even when they're little, our boys need to know that mama sees and rejoices over their wise choices and cries out to God over their foolish ones. Today, make a point to lavish love and praise on your son when he chooses wisely....even in the small things."

Jaime