Let's Be Honest (Even Though I don't Want To Be)

Okay, tough subject for me. My weight. I would rather run in the opposite direction, screaming, than discuss my weight. My "about me" photo? Taken 2 years ago on my birthday. I'm still me, but I'm about 20 pounds heavier. I'm not a huge fan of any photo that I'm in, but definitely not now. 2 years ago, I was 15-20 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight, and my oldest will be turning 9 next month.

Clothes. Ick. Nothing really fits, at least not comfortably, and even if I could afford it, I'm too stubborn to go out and buy a bunch of new clothes in a larger size, because "I'm going to lose this weight and get back into all the clothes that are hanging in my closet". Yep, that's worked really well for me so far. Brutal honesty. I only have about 3 pairs of pants (including office attire) that fit right now. Shirts. Ugh. I go into my closet, and looking back at me are lots of pretty shirts. Pullover, button-up, v-neck, etc, etc, and most don't fit, or don't fit well. I wear the same things week after week, and when I get home, I get out of them as fast as I can and opt for a t-shirt and shorts. Lots of pretty dresses and skirts just begging to be worn. Too bad they can't be worn by me right now.

I've been motivated off and on over the last few years. Working out, but I never stuck with it. A little over 2 years ago, I got an elliptical. For about 2 and 1/2 months, I worked out almost every day. I lost almost 20 pounds, and what you see in the "about me" photo are the results of those 10 weeks. My parents and sister came to visit the kids and I here in TX (they live in Maine) in mid-March of that year (2009), and that threw off my routine a bit. Not complaining, I loved every minute of  it. I was also busy packing at the same time. We were moving out of the house I had been renting, into the house I had just signed the papers on to buy. About a week after the "photo", my Dad had a massive stroke while riding his motorcycle. It was the same day we had finished moving everything from the rental to the house, and the night before they were going to leave to drive back to Maine. Everything stopped. Routines didn't exist at that point. Something as inconsequential as exercise didn't matter. The next 5-6 weeks was spent between work, the hospital and the rehabilitation center he was in. He made a miraculous recovery. He still, to this day, has no feeling in the right side of his body, but he is here with us. He's able to work, and enjoy his grand kids. I'm so thankful, and we're so blessed, for that.

I put off getting back into a routine for almost a year after that. Sad, but true. I made it about 2 weeks, and then I overslept one morning, and it threw off my whole routine again. I tend to have an OCD personality. When I get into the routine, I attack it, but if I'm thrown off of my routine, I tend to walk away from it. Not good for someone wanting to lose weight. I've yet to figure out how to tell my brain that it is OKAY to miss a morning, and still keep going the next day. That has happened several times during the last year. I have a perfectly good elliptical machine sitting in my house, collecting dust. Makes a nice coat rack, though. I have new workout DVDs, called Insanity. Good description of my life sometimes. :-)   My latest excuse was that I was missing the audio/video cable to hook up my DVD player to the TV. Well, I purchased a new one a few days ago, Sooooooo, no more excuses. Drink more water, force myself out of bed in the morning, eat smaller portions and don't "graze" quite so much during the day. Sounds good, right? But can I do it?

I am hoping by keeping track of my progress here, that I will feel accountable to keep it up, to make progress, to not quit on myself if I oversleep one day, to not just berate myself for "failing" and give up. If I make a mistake, move on to the next day.

I will post before photos once I take them. That is going to be the worst part. That is definitely the "ugly" in all of this. It's humbling to tell you this. My current weight is 182. I am 5'7". I weighed 145 before I became pregnant with Bugaboo. 37 pounds. I was between 160 and 165 in my photo posted here on this page.

I am sorry if I end up boring any of you with this, but to keep myself accountable, I am going to be posting weekly updates of my workouts, water intake, eating habits, and (hopefully), my weight loss. Maybe some of you would like to join in the "fun"? :-)

~ Thanks for stopping by ~

Jaime